Ways to Practice Better Thoughts for Happiness
What does orange juice have to do with emotional well-being? Keep reading to learn how to think about your thoughts differently, how to gauge your emotional health, and whether you’re a self-defeating or a no-limits person.
“Happiness is not a station in life, a place to arrive at. It’s a way of traveling. It’s a manner of how you traverse the path you’re on, walking each step with love.”
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS POST:
1. Learn whether you’re a self-defeating or a no-limits person
2. How the state of your emotional well-being is like orange juice
3. Ways to practice better thoughts for happiness
In a previous post, we discussed how the world leads us to believe that money and relationships determine your happiness. We debunked that real fast henny.
Science shows that striving for money decreases your happiness. As does giving away emotional responsibility to people you're in relationships with. You weaken your ability to connect within and make aligned decisions when handing off your emotional health to others. Parents and friends included.
Sorry boo. But not sorry. Knowing this empowers you with the knowledge and confidence to move forward. It puts the “ability” back into responsibility. One way to do that is by getting serious about how you identify yourself. What are your actions saying about you? Remember, if you offer a cigarette to two former smokers the one who still identifies as a smoker, but is trying to quit, will cave. While the person who says, “No thanks. I’m not a smoker.” will hold strong.
Today’s post will be a bit more fun. We’re going to learn how to think about your thoughts differently, compare the state of your emotional well-being with orange juice, and learn whether you’re a self-defeating or a no-limits person. Most of what I’m sharing comes from Happiness is the Way* by Dr. Wayne Dyer. A must-read if you haven’t already done so. You ready to reclaim ownership of your happiness? Let’s go!
THE POWER OF THOUGHTS
Every emotion results from a preceding thought. In Happiness is the Way* Wayne Dyer says, “You cannot have an emotion without a thought preceding it. It’s impossible. You perceive things in the world, and then you evaluate. This all happens instantaneously. You evaluate, and you have an emotional reaction.”
For example, after watching Tiger King my emotional reaction was shock mixed with intrigue and anger. Probably because my perceptions fell along the lines of “What?!” followed by “A polygamist, gay, tiger/zoo owner running for governor? Tell me more” to “Oh. These people hurt tigers and are awful.” Yet someone else could have a different reaction.
When it comes to changing our emotional perceptions Dyer says, “We can all control our feelings by learning to change only one thing: the way we think. That’s it. My feelings come from my thoughts. Therefore, I can control my feelings.” It's not the event or circumstance that makes you feel anything. It’s the judgment of the meaning from your thoughts about it. If an event or circumstance were responsible for causing certain emotions then every person would react the exact same way. But they don’t.
When the earthquake of 1994 happened in Northridge, California a news station interviewed commuters piled up on a road trying to get to work. They were expected to wait 2 hours longer than usual. One person rolled down their window and complained like nobody’s business. It was awful, traffic sucked, and his time was being wasted.
The next person rolled down their window and smiled. They said it was great because they prepared snacks, popped in their favorite audiobook, and was enjoying the sun. Same situation. Two different reactions. Why? Choice.
You choose how to react and feel in every situation. No excuses.
CHOOSE HEALTHIER REACTIONS
As a child, you trained your brain to perceive things in a certain way. You formed beliefs and habits so you could process and make judgments quicker. This is a helpful tool but as an adult, you may find yourself wanting to change a few ingrained beliefs and thought patterns. Regardless of your past or current circumstance you can change your thoughts.
Practice, as Wayne Dyer says, “how not to make negative assessments of the world and what’s in it.” Practice having healthy reactions. This isn’t to say you should be emotionless or cold. No no my friend. It means to change the lens through which you view the world around you.
Emotions are important indicators about what we value and if something is acceptable to us. We need them to interpret and fully experience life. If you feel anger bubbling up, feel it, but don’t let it immobilize or debilitate you. Be constructive instead.
There’s value in processing every emotion because without anger or fear we couldn’t fully express or experience immense joy and peace. When you deaden one spectrum of emotions you dampen your ability to experience any of them. Instead, when you need to process more intense emotions, feel them, then allow it to mobilize and inspire you to constructive action.
For example, people who work to provide clean water to small villages felt angry, at some point, about people dying from thirst. Their anger inspired action. We can use this same principle in our daily lives. When you're angry with a partner or friend take that as a chance to have a constructive conversation.
Now that we planted a seed about how to practice better thoughts let’s see the difference between two types of people. Which one are you?
SELF-DEFEATING PERSON VS. THE NO-LIMITS PERSON
This again is inspired by Wayne Dyer and is too good to not share. He provides a simple and easy way to figure out what kind of person your thoughts and actions are making you. There’s the no-limit person who “has no limits on their own capacities for living, and who focuses on making their life the best it can possibly be.” Then there’s the self-defeating person who was “taught to believe that we’re supposed to be down, stuck, depressed, and given certain negative conditions in life.”
The purpose of this isn’t to pinpoint or label you. Rather, use it as a way to gauge where on the spectrum you lie and how you want to improve. I found myself a little too much on the self-defeating side. But also grateful to understand better so I can start adopting the traits of a no-limits person.
No matter how much you see yourself in one or the other I hope you know that you can find happiness. You can release self-defeating tendencies and step more into the no-limit mindset. Where you are now doesn't define where you're going. We’ll work on it together k?
Now that you know the power of thoughts and which mindset you fall under let's put this into practice. As I’ve mulled over these concepts, Dyer introduced yet another helpful concept to think about. I use this daily in every interaction and perception. It involves orange juice. Yes, I said orange juice. Keep reading to find out why.
WHY YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH IS LIKE ORANGE JUICE
At first, it seemed weird. Now, I think of it during every interaction and experience. With my husband. Orange juice. When chatting with my family. Orange juice. When you’re working to change your energy with those you love think of orange juice. Here’s how Dyer explains it [emphasis added]:
“Think for a minute about an orange. When you squeeze it as hard as you can, what comes out? Orange juice, of course. But the question is, why does juice come out when an orange is squeezed? The answer is, because that is what’s inside. Now, does it matter who does the squeezing? Does it matter how you do it, what instrument you use, or what time of the day you do it? No. When you squeeze an orange, what always comes out is what’s inside. Similarly, when you squeeze a person—that is, put pressure on them of any kind—and anger and hatred and stress and depression come out, it isn’t because of who is doing the squeezing or when they do it or how they choose to do it. It’s because that is what’s inside that person. If you don’t have it inside, it can never come out, no matter what your circumstances are.”
Whoa. Mind blown. For days after reading this, I thought of the orange whenever I felt irritated or fell into a victim mindset. It helped make crystal clear where I was at. Those emotions came out of me because they were already inside. Knowing this, I could choose where I wanted to go. I challenge you to observe what emotions come out when you’re squeezed like the orange. Do you like the emotions that come out? If not, you’re in the perfect position to start changing it.
WAYS TO PRACTICE BETTER THOUGHTS
Aside from the orange analogy, here are other tangible ways to allow space for changed thinking:
Morning routine. The best way to create more stability and calm. I went from snooze button fan to waking up inspired and motivated. When I committed to a morning routine my whole world changed.
Creation affirmations. Every morning right down 10 affirmations that act as if a desire is already manifested. For example, if you want a better marriage you could write “My relationship with NAME is vibrant, connected, and filled with meaningful moments.” If you own an online business, “I make at least $6k a month in my TYPE business from clients I enjoy working with.” By writing as if something has already happened you feel the pull to change your identity in order to match the statement.
Meditation. Doing as little as ten minutes a day rewires your brain. It allows resistance to melt away and re-allows the flow of wellbeing. When you practice being in a meditative state you make space for new ways of thinking to emerge.
Negative thinking chart. My therapist taught me how to catch rapid fire negative thinking in its tracks. I would get a piece of notebook paper, turn it horizontally, and separate the page into three columns. From left to right, I’d write at the top of the column “Negative Thought”, “The Truth”, “Ego Inspired”. Then throughout the day when I thought something negative I’d write it down in the "Negative Thought" column. In “The Truth” column I’d write what the truth actually was. In the "Ego Inspired" column I'd write why the ego wants me to believe the negative thought. Soon after, questioning my thoughts became automatic and I was able to shut them down before they began.
REAL TALK
Years ago, I didn't know I struggled with anxiety. A few people pointed out my anxious tendencies, and it runs in my family, so I decided to look into it further. Soon after, I went on a journey of prayer, therapy, trying new practices, failing, succeeding, failing a few times more, then succeeding a few times. The breadcrumbs of friends, books, and love leading me to more peace.
Throughout this journey, I learned that by experiencing a difficult emotion you learn the power of its opposite. One experience that comes to mind is when I went through a breakup. It felt like my whole world was floating in a disconnected state. For days, I couldn't sleep well and thought a 6 am yoga class would be nurturing. Nothing more than that.
As soon as my feet landed on the mat I felt this blissful, ethereal spirit pulsing through and around me. My spirit surrendered in a way it hadn’t before. This allowed me to accept the moment as it was and experience this stunning alignment of peace and happiness. The yoga teacher walked over to me during a child’s pose and said he felt this expansive spirit coming from me and how beautiful I looked. My energy aligned. One.
This was when I realized the utter power we hold within. When you’re going through something heavy and tough it feels suffocating. That is until you know you have a choice. A choice to connect to yourself and invite happiness regardless of your circumstance. I realized I could choose how to react to a situation. That no one could make me feel anything. It's 100% my responsibility. Without my journey with anxiety I don't think I would feel as empowered as I do now.
INTENTION
I choose love in every interaction and situation. I allow myself to hold kindness, love, and joy no matter what.
DO THIS TODAY
Pick a part of your life you want to practice more happiness. A relationship? Work? Think of the orange juice analogy anytime you react to a situation and take note of the emotions that come out. Did you get irritated with your spouse? Is irritation an emotion you want inside of you? Ask yourself these questions to start removing the emotions you don’t want and practicing the ones you do.
WRITING PROMPT
Write at the top of a blank page “What emotions am I holding inside that come out during tough circumstances? Do I like them? What would I want instead?”
3 RESOURCES
Book: Happiness is the Way* by Dr. Wayne Dyer
Article: Why Habits Matter For Your Happiness
Article: How to Create a Personal Energy Shield for Protection
*This is an affiliate link. Purchasing through affiliate links helps fund The Good Space at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting us!
