Get This Right And You’ll Have More Happiness
What does it take to invite more happiness into your life? Keep reading to learn about a state of being that keeps people happier and why roles and obligations may act as excuses to doing what you love.
“When we don’t listen to our intuition, we abandon our souls. And we abandon our souls because we are afraid if we don’t, others will abandon us. We’ve been raised to question what we know to discount and discredit the authority of our gut.”
In an earlier post, we learned about what makes you a self-defeating or a no-limits person, how the state of your emotional well-being is like orange juice, and ways to practice better thoughts for happiness. A Tiger King analogy was thrown in there too. Doesn’t get more satisfying than that 😂
As a refresher, every emotion results from a preceding thought. If you change your thoughts you can change your experience of life. However, that’s not to say you should stop feeling your full range of emotions. Like anger or irritation.
The key is learning to have healthier reactions to them. It’s about our perceptions and the way we assess events in the world. Hopefully, after last week’s post, you feel inspired to practice better thoughts and become more of a no-limits person.
Today’s post will cover a concept that zooms out and ties up nicely how to use your mindset for increased happiness. There are two states of being people tend to fall into: naysayers and yaysayers. Keep reading to see which you fall under and how you can continue to support your happiness.
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS POST:
1. The difference between a naysayer and a yaysayer
2. How to become a yaysayer
3. Why roles and obligations can sometimes act as excuses to living a life we love
THE YAYSAYER’S GUIDE TO SUCCESS
If you had to guess would you say you're a naysayer or a yaysayer? Had to put that tongue twister in there 😂. But for real. Which one?
Once you’ve focused on healthier emotional reactions and becoming a no-limits person this practice can be a valuable next step. Dr. Wayne Dyer breaks this concept down pretty simply in his book Happiness is the Way*. Below, I’ve compiled the characteristics of the yaysayer and naysayer to make it easier for you.
CHARACTERISTICS
Naysayers:
“Great fear of the unknown”.
Afraid to do anything different or wander into new territory.
They choose safety and dislike taking risks.
Whine and complain about change.
Afraid of new ideas.
Work hard to stay the same. Routine is their fast friend.
They lack variety in relationships, friends, and food. Predictability.
“loaded with prejudices that are most often not based on anything in reality.”
Yaysayers:
Welcomes the unknown. Seeks it out.
Doesn’t require an agenda.
They don’t need goals “or specific items that they must know in advance about how things are going to work out”,
“They’re not intimidated by anyone because they don’t have that quality of prejudice.”
“They don’t prejudge anyone or anything.”
They have an open mind.
The naysayer misses out on a lot that life has to offer. They grip tight to the way things have always been done. The world moves right past them as they do. Everything the naysayer does or believes stems from fear. Their whole life was made from a foundation of fear.
You could think of a handful of people you know who are naysayers (perhaps even you). Fear operators. Each day looks exactly the same. It helps them feel in control. If anything gets thrown off they throw a tantrum or get irritated. They find a false sense of stability when things stay the same in their jobs, relationships, and home.
However, it doesn’t mean you or someone you love is a horrible person for being a naysayer. They may not know any other way. There are also those with developmental disorders who need structure to function. That’s not naysayer but necessity for survival. We’re not talking about those unique cases.
CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE...CHANGE FOR GROWTH
This also doesn’t mean a yaysayer doesn’t feel the enticings of the naysayer. Every single person feels the attraction to lack of variety, holding prejudices to avoid thinking, and staying in safety. That’s the ego. It feels stable and secure in predictability.
Our brains also function the way they do because of efficiency and repeated patterns. We’re wired to be efficient. The difference with yaysayers is they choose to continue on or overcome these very real egoic temptations despite what they’re feeling.
If you’re wanting to go from nay to yay fear not. Awareness is the first step. Which you now have my friend. Now, it’s time to take action.
It stands to reason you cannot expect different results doing the same thing. Or thinking the same thing. If your life isn’t the way you want it then it’s time to do something different. Let’s see what Dr. Wayne Dyer has to say on the matter:
“You see, progress cannot happen if you always do things the way you’ve always done them. As long as you are willing to stay as you are or to stick with the familiar or never try out anything new, then it is by definition impossible to grow.”
This also doesn’t mean you need to leave the life you have for one of wild adventure and unpredictability. Heavens no. This is more about a mindset shift. Finding what it looks like being a yaysayer in your life.
HOW TO BECOME A YAYSAYER
Here are some tried and true tips to start you on the path to yaysayer-y: Start a morning routine, do an extra workout this week, call someone you haven’t in a while. Start writing that book or lead an online fitness challenge. Put yourself out there.
Go on a trip without a map. Or much planned thought. Allow yourself to wander, find a place to sleep, and keep going. Walk barefoot more. Sign up for a painting class. Write the first page of a book. Do anything different from how you’re used to doing them.
Commit to stepping outside your comfort zone daily. People who fulfill their life’s mission didn’t do it in one sweeping, grand gesture. It was through daily, incremental, comfort-zone-breaking steps. Anything new feels uncomfortable at first. I hate to admit this but the first time I used an electric toothbrush I felt scared. See?
Think of this commitment as a gentle expansion of your boundaries rather than all-or-nothing. Like a rubber band. Go too fast and you break the band. If you can practice now getting a little outside your comfort zone you’ll be more willing and able to fulfill your life’s mission.
LIVE THE LIFE YOU’VE IMAGINED
Many people remain unhappy because they’re too afraid of change. They’re so focused on fitting in, being a good employee or spouse or parent, that they lose their sense of self. The ego likes it that way. It's predictable, easy, and the path of least resistance. It’s common to use life roles as an excuse to ignore connecting with yourself.
My mom, who’s a great mother, put her whole identity into her children. A few times she mentioned her love of writing. Sometimes I'd ask her if she was going to write again. She'd say, “I’m too busy with you kids. Maybe when you’re all out of the house.” Now that her kids are out of the house she still hasn’t written. Even when she’s said a few times that she doesn’t know what to do with herself. That's why I know it's a mindset.
Granted, I'm not saying to disregard the roles you have to pursue a passion. To uproot and leave your life. Years ago I met a homeless, young musician singing outside of a grocery store when I lived in Los Angeles. We started talking and he told me he left his two young daughters in Mississippi to try and make it as a musician in Hollywood. My heart broke imagining the loss those kids would feel. The absence. Please, enjoy and be present in whatever responsibilities you have.
There will be years your focus is 100% on your kids. Or a looming deadline at work. Our lives ebb and flow through cycles like the seasons. Does that mean you can't steal 30 minutes in the morning to write? Or to take a walk in the neighborhood?
I'm asking you to reframe your mindset to think about adding in even 15 minutes a day dedicated to YOU. Connecting to your sense of self and remembering who that is. When you do your mental health and relationships benefit. People in your life get a happier, calmer, more peaceful you.
START NOW
The reason you need to get into the habit of setting time for yourself is because creating requires moving past resistance on a daily basis. If you aren’t making your creative muscle stronger it atrophies and you’ll have a much harder time getting into the habit. When something is so outside of your comfort zone it’s difficult to start. Which is why starting small now will help you in the eternal side of things.
Every book starts with one word.
A house is built one brick or plank of wood at a time.
Successful relationships happen one kind word or act at a time.
A dream job arrives after years of hard work.
No role or obligation should be the excuse that stops you from creating something you love. We’re told to follow a certain set of rules our whole lives and become conditioned out of thinking for ourselves or taking risks. Like the classically trained violinist who has notes and scales so ingrained they struggle to improvise.
I have a friend who studied at USC School of Music. Violin. Rigorous curriculum followed by 8+ hours a day practicing. She once told me she feels trapped sometimes. Her training taught her to stay so within the lines that she can’t improvise when playing with other musicians. Most classical musicians are the same way. They struggle to make things up on the spot.
I feel like life can be this same way. We’re conditioned and trained to follow certain notes of life. Some of us struggle to play outside those notes. Others are more willing to experiment with different sounds.
Don’t wait for a health scare or old age to wake you up. You don’t have to wait for death or retirement to snap to it. Do. it. now. You also don’t have to quit your job and pursue a passion full time. It’s probably smarter you don’t. Start with writing 30 minutes every morning. Do something in your community. Whatever step it takes to start.
INTENTION
I remain open to all possibility. I welcome and align to that which is for my highest good.
DO THIS TODAY
Decide one thing you could do today to step outside of your comfort zone. Write for 15 minutes? Plan a trip to a new place? Apologize to someone you love? A small act that will make a big impact.
WRITING PROMPT
Write down whether you fall under the naysayer or yaysayer category. What could you do this week to work towards being more open to life?
3 RESOURCES
Book: Happiness is the Way* by Dr. Wayne Dyer
Book: Forgive for Good* by Frederic Luskin
Article: Ways to Practice Better Thoughts for Happiness
*This is an affiliate link. Purchasing through affiliate links helps fund The Good Space at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting us!
