Why Habits Matter for Your Happiness
There’s a reason why having goals to make more money or increase success decreases happiness. When the world would lead you to believe otherwise. This post shows you why your habits matter most for the level of your happiness and the key ingredient needed to make a habit stick. Hopefully, it will illuminate and inspire you to think differently about happiness.
“Contrary to what we may believe, we are not called to self-improvement in the sense of acquiring some knowledge or skill so we can ‘get better’. We are called to winnow away all that is not the perfected soul we already are. This process allows us to fulfill our destiny and express it in life’s work.”
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS POST:
1. What the world teaches about happiness and why it’s wrong
2. Why your habits are a great predictor of happiness
3. The key to approaching habits that create happiness
In another post, we talked about how to create a personal energy shield for protection. This is a great spiritual tool for most people to use. Especially if you’re an empath or sensitive to energy interference. While Intention is a powerful tool for manifesting it’s the daily, small actions that ultimately communicate who you are. To yourself and the Universe.
Which is why it feels most fitting to talk about habits that create happiness. Almost every action you take stems from a habit. When there’s a gap between an intention you desire and the actions you’re taking you’ll feel the dissonance. The disconnect can cause your body to ring the alarms through emotions like unhappiness, irritability, and more. When you learn to align your intention with your identity and actions you become a force to reckon with.
At this moment, you may find yourself struggling to feel inspired or motivated. Maybe you’re experiencing a trial that seems too hard to bear. Maybe you’re overwhelmed by anxious thoughts and emotions. Like life’s a juggling act and the balls keep dropping. You know you’re meant to live a life you love but where do you start?
There are a variety of factors that contribute to happiness but they need not feel overwhelming. First, we’re going to shine a light on a few things that decrease happiness when the world would lead you to believe otherwise. Then, we’ll get more into the intricacies of what makes a habit stick. Hopefully, it will illuminate and inspire you to think differently about the way you view happiness.
MONEY AND HAPPINESS
Money. Success. Status. These are predictors of happiness, right? Or so the world wants you to believe. Various studies show that aspiring to have financial success can have a negative impact on one’s psychological well-being. As household income increased, overall life satisfaction decreased.
Another study showed that happiness levels increase until one makes about $75k a year. After which happiness levels stay the same or drop off. There are millionaires who are super happy. They tend to live from a deeper sense of purpose and the money came as a result of that purpose. Then there are millionaires who chased money to find happiness. They’re the ones who are miserable and depressed even though there’s a Porsche in the garage.
To be sure, there’s nothing more rewarding than dreaming, working hard, and amplifying your abundance. The trouble lies in thinking that happiness, an inside out kind of job, depends on certain outcomes or material possessions. Peggy Tabor Millin says, “Our wanting arises from self-doubt. We think publishing, acclaim, and fame will give us the self-assurance we lack. Instead, they give us more distraction and more to fear losing.”
It’s important to become honest about the energy behind your desires. There’s a subtle difference between desire and want. A desire feels more authentic and aligned. Deeply rooted. Want has a sense of lack and emptiness behind it. Depending on which you root yourself within you’ll get completely different results and levels of happiness.
RELATIONSHIPS AND HAPPINESS
Another misconception is that happiness depends on the status of a relationship. If a spouse/friend/parent feels happy and content then you are. If they feel upset or anxious then you feel that way, too. Anything they do or don’t do directly affects your happiness. Some common underlying beliefs or thoughts sound like:
They’re not happy, so I can’t be happy.
I feel upset and irritable so my spouse/parent/friend must be doing something wrong
I just want to feel like they care or value me as a person.
I woke up happy but because of what they said my whole day is ruined.
There is plenty more to add to the list but you get the idea. The pattern you can see in these statements is a passing off of the baton of responsibility. Someone else is being given the power to dictate what another person is feeling. I hate to break this to you but happiness is 100% your responsibility. Always. This was a hard lesson I had to learn over the years myself.
Any thought you think or emotion you feel is a choice. At some point, your ego convinced you that your happiness lies outside of yourself. It became comfortable with the ease of placing the responsibility on someone else. Whenever you feel anger/irritation/fear it’s someone else’s fault.
Here’s the deal. Every one of us has a pain body, comprised of trapped emotions, that forms over the years after various traumatic emotional experiences. It fights to stay alive by projecting its pain onto people and things in order to keep feeding itself lower energy emotions like anger, depression, or irritation.
No one can make you feel anything. You choose (subconsciously or not) the feelings you feed. We can start to heal our pain bodies by becoming aware of its existence and observing it without reacting. When you take back your emotional ownership and change the energy you’re bringing into relationships the other person starts to transform. Higher energy converts lower energy.
Does it mean you need to stay in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship? No. In this kind of relationship, the other person’s ego and pain body are so powerful it’s not healthy to allow your spirit to be around that kind of debilitating energy.
HABITS OF HAPPINESS
We’ve still only scratched the surface, as there are many layers to unravel, but you’re making good progress. The best place to start for a happier life is right here. Right now. Diving into your past is not necessary or needed 🙅🏻♀️
Start by introducing small, yet effective habits into your life. They will override the old ones in time. An easy way to supercharge a new habit is to make sure your sense of identity aligns with the person you want to become. If you want to workout 5x a week but don’t identify as a healthy person then you’re more likely to keep eating sugar and skipping out on yoga.
A few things to think about are:
What do your actions say about who you think you are? We hardly act incongruently to a self held identity which is why your actions speak louder than words.
Who do you want to become?
What actions would support the person you want to become?
It’s important to give yourself a few minutes to think these questions over and even write the answers down. The best way to take action that sticks is to focus on who you want to become rather than on what you want to achieve. In Atomic Habits, James Clear gives a poignant example of how identity affects action:
“Imagine two people resisting a cigarette. When offered a smoke, the first person says, “No thanks. I’m trying to quit.”...The second person declines by saying, “No thanks. I’m not a smoker.” It’s a small difference but this statement signals a shift in identity. Smoking was part of their former life, not their current one. They no longer identify as someone who smokes.”
The first person still identifies as a smoker and is, therefore, more likely to cave. I’ve seen this happen to people I know. Some quit smoking cold and for 30 years straight never touched a cigarette again. I also know people who say they’ll quit then never kick the habit. The difference is the identity behind it.
WHY HAPPINESS IS WORTH THE EFFORT
Abraham Hicks says, “For in seeking and finding joy, you not only find perfect alignment with your Inner Being and with who-you-really-are, but you also find vibrational alignment with all things that you desire.”
Choosing happiness raises your vibration and raises the quality of blessings, people, and emotions you attract. Happiness isn’t placed upon you. It’s a choice and a habit. One that must be cultivated and practiced.
If you feel like your ability to choose is weakened don’t worry. You can start strengthening your happiness habit one moment at a time. If you can make one better decision a day you’ll be amazed at how much that compounds over time. When I started practicing a morning routine it was the gateway habit into a lot of the happiness I experience today.
At first, I would waffle back and forth between a morning routine and going back to my old ways. Waking up late and living in a frenzy. My old identity fought the new change. The pain from the effort gave my ego the victory again and again.
After many failed attempts I finally realized that you’ll feel pain either way. Whether you stay the same or change. Which type of pain would you rather experience?
Think about it this way…
You feel pain when you go through the motions. Most people have big dreams but stifle it in favor of doing what’s comfortable and easy. Staying the same is painful. When you start a new habit you’ll feel pain. Your body and ego are so used to the story you’ve told about who you are, through your actions, that it will resist.
Both options bring pain but have very different outcomes. In the first, you’ll stay the same and your quality of life will continue to decline. In the second, you’ll increase the happiness within yourself, your relationships, and experience life on a more vibrant level. Which outcome would you prefer?
INTENTION
I choose joy because I am a joyful person. I choose to focus only on the thoughts and emotions that bring me peace and happiness regardless of what’s happening around me.
DO THIS TODAY
Commit to trying a new habit every day for the next week. What time and place will it happen? Schedule it in your planner or schedule to make sure the time is set aside.
WRITING PROMPT
Answer these questions in your journal or on a piece of paper. Be honest with yourself and figure out what your relationship with happiness looks like:
Who do you think you are? What do my actions tell me?
Who do you want to become?
What actions would support the person you want to become?
What’s your biggest takeaway? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
