Powerful Ways to Heal and Embrace Your Sexual Energy with Luci Lampe
This week, the incredible Luci Lampe, mom, author, entrepreneur, and sexual empowerment coach joined me on the podcast to talk about getting comfortable with our sexuality. The topic of sex and sexuality is so often seen as embarrassing or inappropriate, but it shouldn’t be. Luci gets real about why people are uncomfortable with their sexuality, how embracing your sexual energy benefits all aspects of your life, and ways to heal your relationship with sexual energy.
Who is Luci Lampe?
Luci Lampe is a mom of 4, sexual empowerment & mindset coach, award-winning singer and songwriter, commercial actress, lifestyle & fitness model, 3X author, and entrepreneur. Her writing has been featured on the Huffington Post, Forbes, Entrepreneur.com, CBS, and Fox.
After a 6+ year hiatus from the music industry, birthing two more little humans, overcoming an autoimmune disorder, and surviving hell as a family through her husband’s 2-year disability and depression, Luci returns with a bold, unapologetic message of freedom and courage.
Professionally, she draws upon her studies and certifications in neurolinguistic programming, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnotherapy, reiki, counseling, EFT tapping, and her degree in Exercise Science, to create unique, powerful programs and curricula for her clients and members.
Musically, she boasts a hooking pop sound with soulful, heartfelt vocals (think: The Weeknd meets Christina and Shakira). From confident and sexually empowered to tender and emotionally vulnerable, Luci exposes her pain, desire, surrender, and courage in her music like never before.
Why You Shouldn’t be Uncomfortable
For the past year, Luci’s work has been more focused on sexual empowerment for women. She discovered this passion unexpectedly through her own journey of healing and awakening, “and just showing up more freely and expressing myself more freely.” So much so that women were reaching out to her and asking “how can I feel like that.” So she launched a started program and another and on and on leading to the creation of her brand Pussy Powered last summer during quarantine. She still takes the time for her other passions like writing and releasing music, “but having released two albums last year, I figured right now, it's not a need to make a new album. So all of my energy is going into creating these courses for sexual empowerment.” She has courses on inner child healing and Shadow Work for both men and women, but Pussy Powered is “all for the queens.”
One of the main reasons that people are so uncomfortable or scared of their sexuality and seek help from coaches like Luci is that we notice there is another possibility. The things that we are constantly surrounded by eventually become normal for us, “so then when we see something different, like, now, you can go to the nude beach and be completely comfortable with your body in front of complete strangers, and everybody's just accepting of their own bodies. And it's really cool. And it's not weird, and it feels it feels like home, you feel at home in your body. So there's this new possibility that you see somebody else living out, you're like, okay, maybe I want that.”
For Luci, that healing and freedom has strengthened her marriage, given her more self-confidence, impacted her creativity and playfulness, how she shows up as a mom. It’s the entire inspiration around her business, “how much more everything flows, instead of feeling like I have to force this, I have to do this thing, I have to make this call, it becomes more natural.” Seeing other women going through that journey and experiencing that impact sparks a curiosity in us, and then the key is consistency. Continue to show up, keep sharing, “this is what I get to experience now. This is where I was then. And this is a little bit of the path. And I'm not done yet. I have not arrived, we've never arrived, we just can we continue to expand and learn and become.”
So how does sexual energy and embracing that part of you, serve all those other parts of your life? Luci says it’s because “it's literally the energy that we come from. It's a creative energy lifeforce energy is sexual energy. It's like if you try to extract something from your DNA, that is just literally a part of you, and you can’t, So you just spend your life resisting it and shaming it and disowning it and pretending that it doesn't matter. And then hating the fact that so much of it revolves around sex.” Your sexual energy is quite literally human nature, but things like society’s opinions and views and topics that are considered taboo restrict us from getting the “full picture.” Or it could be things like “generational traumas and generational things that we just perpetuate. We don't talk about sex. We don't talk about desire.”
So all of these ideas and concepts become foreign or even uncomfortable to us, making us feel like we can’t be too sexual or sexy or tempting. “So then what do we do? We're like, I don't dance. I don't want to move. I don't dare show my shoulders because it might turn somebody on. But what are you going to do, walk around your entire life demeaning yourself?” But really, that’s what we so often do, even Luci hid herself and hated unwanted attention. But resisting the attention, covering up, not wearing makeup, didn’t stop the attention from coming. And through connecting with so many other women, she’s learned that we all disown “all these aspects of myself that are beautiful, that are meant to be expressed and integrated. Because otherwise what happens is those aspects subtly control our behavior, our resentments. Unforgiveness, the tension in our relationships, blocks of energy, and our businesses. It affects everything.”
To put it simply, sexual energy is “lifeforce energy.” For Luci, connecting with that was easiest through visualization, “energy flowing in and colors and expanding and all of that.” And then she was able to begin to feel pleasure without experiencing the guilt and heaviness of “I shouldn’t be doing this.” But embracing your sexual energy, recognizing and healing those “stories and beliefs that you have around your sexuality, then you can use that energy to empower every single area of your life. And it's so powerful. I dare say that it is the most powerful energy that we can express and embody. And so many of us pretend that it's not there, because we don't know how to work with it.”
What You Resist Will Persist
So how do you unpack or start to heal the warped definition you have of sexual empowerment? And what is the line? Because I'm sure even if you've learned to accept and heal, there's still a line like “am I perverting the sacredness of the sexual energy? Or am I actually embracing and empowering it?” Luci says it actually is not worrying about “whether you're keeping up or not. It's really a lot about noticing, just noticing things for what they are.” It isn’t about getting rid of it, it’s about healing and embracing so that you’re able to “observe it without judging it without labeling it this is bad or wrong or perverted.” For example, for whatever reason, something turns you on, but you feel guilty or ashamed about it. The first thing to do is to notice it and “not attach emotionally to that. But that's easier said than done, of course, because a lot of times we've been attaching to that for years or a lifetime. So this is why I recommend observing all things. Don't fixate on that one thing, is this pure or impure? But begin to observe more of the parts of yourself that you perceive are unacceptable.”
A practice that Luci recommends is called Parts Integration. So say you have a specific fantasy that turns you on, but you still have that doubt in your mind of “but this is perverted.” You’ll start by having a conversation with “your inner slut. This is literally something that we do in our work in power. And you just get to know what it is that you need. What is it that you want.” For Luci, all aspects of us as beings need our “acceptance and our love.” And acceptance is really just being what you are, not trying to change that, just learning and embracing.
The parts and pieces of you that you resist or don’t like aren’t just going to go away, they’re a part of you that can’t be removed. “What you resist will persist. And that part will fight stronger, to express and get its needs met.” Really the most important thing to do to start moving toward that acceptance is having that check-in with that part of yourself, maybe you’re feeling extra needy today. You feel like “why am I not independent and take care of all my own needs, including sexual needs?” But recognizing that part of you does exist and learning to release the resistance you feel towards it. Another useful practice that Luci uses is visualization, envisioning yourself “literally releasing that resistance, and envisioning what that resistance looks like, what color it is, there's a lot of NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) that goes into this too, which I really love.”
Getting out of your comfort zone can be super difficult at first, especially in the areas of sexuality and sexual energy because we do become so set in our ways and our beliefs. And it can be even more complicated if you’re also in a relationship. Luci and her husband learned that being vulnerable with each other about their fantasies helped them feel more connected, even while she was on her own personal journey. “But the thing with vulnerability, it's not just I'm having a really crappy day, I'm just struggling today, it's sharing something that you could reject me for, even asking for sex. Asking to have sex with your spouse can be extremely vulnerable, especially if you've been rejected over and over again.”
Having conversations with your partner, or even just yourself, and saying/writing as many beliefs you have about sexuality, femininity, what a relationship should look like, sex itself. You start to bring “awareness to what beliefs are there” while you’re exploring that vulnerability and stepping out of your comfort zone, but still on your terms. Luci’s biggest advice for starting to embrace and open up is that “there's always even just a glimmer of that connection, of that inner being that knows what that next thing is for you. It will involve getting out of your comfort zone. And it might be a little bit messy and stir some things up. But your intuition will know, your heart will know.”
Learning to be Honest About Your Sexual Energy
Expressing sexual energy looks different for everyone, and can be “expressed in different forms. So one of the ways that our sexual energy can be channeled is by transmuting it. So what's interesting is that the more orgasms women have, we build more of our sexual energy.” We, as women, have natural hormonal fluctuations throughout the month that affect “our desire, our physiology, the position of our cervix.” Do you notice times that you maybe wake up and you’re excited and you’re like “let’s do this?” And do sometimes notice that the act of having sex feels like an obligation or an expectation? That “it's like the most opposite energy of being turned on?” The most important thing is to be honest, with yourself and your partner.
Sexual energy doesn’t mean you always feel that desire, but “what you can do is practice, practice feeling turned on by life, following your intuition, following your heart. It will get you out of your comfort zone. And the more that you do that, consistently, you build more trust with yourself and you can more honestly communicate with your partner. You know what, like, today was a great day. I'm just not feeling really like, you know, sexually turned on.”
Being honest and vulnerable about where you’re at can be difficult, especially for recovering people pleasers like me and Luci, because we want to give people what they want. But realizing those moments that maybe you don’t feel like having sex, or maybe you want to connect in that moment but not in a sexual way. Being emotionally honest with yourself about what you need and what you desire relieves the pressure and expectation and allows you to begin to feel that freedom and acceptance. “Now, there's also something to be said about making certain commitments, like when you decide I'm going to wear that sexy thing, the most powerful shifts in your way of thinking and being come from your continued commitments, especially to yourself. I'm going to get up and journal about XYZ, I'm going to get up and I'm going to do some energy flow, I'm going to get up every day, and I'm going to move my body and let myself feel good. And it's simple things that add up to everything.”
And exploring those little things comes over time, it isn’t something that you have to try all at once. For Luci, opening up about her sexual fantasies with her husband was the small thing that encouraged her to continue exploring new commitments. For someone else it might be “sitting down with your partner or spouse and talking about what it is that you really want from sex because sometimes two partners want very different things.” In Luci’s case, she was the partner who was more goal-oriented when it came to sex, whereas her husband was the one who wanted to take his time and be present. “So the more that I've learned to practice melting into the pleasure, in every form of pleasure, the better everything is working out.”
Practice Being in a State of Pleasure
What does “melting into the pleasure” look like though? Luci says visualization is a great tool for this, envisioning a “pure loving energy flowing through.” And awareness is always the key, being aware of where your body is holding tension, including when it comes to sexual pleasure. “I love applying all of this to sexual pleasures because when we operate with more pleasure and ease, this is what we were supposed to how we were supposed to feel, you know, but we have the contrast, and it helps us to get more clear on what it is that we want.” And we aren’t meant to remain in that contrast, we notice where we are, accept that, and breathe through it.
Luci is a huge advocate of having frequent “self-pleasure sessions,” because the goal is not to reach any kind of orgasm, it’s about embracing and practicing being in that state of pleasure, “that helps release resistance to manifest other things and helps us to practice being at this higher vibration.” And it isn’t about forcing yourself to have say, a cervical orgasm because you haven’t been able to have one before. You have to “melt into it and breathe into it. And it's like a wave from the inside out.” That cliche saying “practice makes perfect” applies even to sexual energy, the more you practice the more natural it will feel.
I know some of you reading right now can relate to living in a state of anxiety, agitation, impatience, etc. and we just wait for “life to perfectly line up.” Luci was the same way, she felt extremely agitated and like she didn’t have enough time until she gave herself “permission to enjoy it and find pleasure. So these are practice things. And again, like for a very specific example, with the self-pleasure practice, it's more about exploring and letting yourself be where you are, and releasing resistance.” There is also a practice you can do called “vaginal de-armoring” where you work with the tension because things are “chronically tight and then you’re blocking off your connection to your pleasure, quite literally. Because of all this tension, you've got to relax and ease into it.” Vaginal de-armoring allows you to release and melt away the pressure, and you’ll begin to learn that it’s safe to let go.
To Luci, sexual empowerment is really taking the things we resist and repress, things we feel shame about within sexuality and femininity, and then taking ownership of those things and “saying, you know what? This is who I really am. Not being afraid to take up space, not being afraid of being too much, knowing that I am enough, and I am whole and operating from that energy.” As an adolescent and into her adult life, Luci was so afraid that she stopped doing things to attract unwanted attention. But when she started to express her sexuality more freely, sharing the message of sexual empowerment, she actually wasn’t attracting that unwanted attention anymore, in fact, it was the opposite. And she was able to step into that and commit to becoming that person, and she’s “in the process of the unfolding. And so whatever it is that you want to create right now, in your body, in your pleasure, in your relationships, in your business, it's not going to happen on its own or by accident. So get a little bit more clear, a little bit at a time, about what it is that you want and then keep moving in that direction instead of fixating on what you don't want.”
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