Why Personality Isn't You and How To Use It To Your Advantage
If you’re struggling to become the highest version of yourself then this is for you. In this post, you’ll learn why the personality is different from the soul, how we can become conscious creators of our personalities, and why knowing this is the most important knowledge you could learn today.
In a previous episode, we talked about why personality tests are unscientific and harmful with Dr. Benjamin Hardy. He's an organizational psychologist who discovered while getting his Ph.D there's actually zero research or testing behind the creation of the profiles or types you get placed into. Yep. They're no more scientific than a horoscope. Sure they're fun. And perhaps they open people to self-reflection who wouldn't have otherwise. His concern was the limits these profiles place on your potential.
Your spirit is made of limitless, expansive energy. God/Universe gave you complete free agency. It only makes sense you would have ultimate freedom in deciding who you are becoming. Thinking your personality could be confined to a type contradicts the essence of who you are. To hear my conversation with Dr. Hardy make sure to listen to episode 4.
This week, I want to go deeper into the idea of personality and its relation to the soul. We're going to talk about why the personality is different from the soul, how we can become conscious creators of our personalities, and why knowing this is the most important knowledge you could learn today.
Why Your Personality Isn’t You
Personality isn't you. It's not something inherent. Not something to be discovered. It will change, morph, and eventually die. The soul never ends. Personality is a result of your intentions, choices, environment, and thoughts. Gary Zukav in The Seat of the Soul* says, "The personality emerges as a natural force from the soul. It is an energy tool that the soul adapts to function within the physical world."
Your soul decided to experience the physical world as a way to grow. To heal wounds and strengthen weaknesses. The soul is eternal and ever present. It's not passive or confined to your chest cavity. It's a powerful, positive force that loves without restriction and accepts without judgment.
The personality brings emotions into the picture that challenge those eternal and perfect aspects of the soul. Once you're in the physical world, you have to exercise your free agency. Decide whether you want to evolve consciously or unconsciously. Which is why the journey to the physical world sounded appealing to your soul to begin with.
Now that you have a choice between fear or love, when you choose love it's more powerful. Now that you have a choice between anger and patience, when you choose patience that requires more strength. Without the contradiction you wouldn't grow as much.
Most of us created our personalities unconsciously. In Personality Isn't Permanent*, Dr. Benjamin Hardy says, "Often, identity and personality are reactions to life events, circumstances, and habits. Few people intentionally define and shape their identity, based on who they plan to be, and then become that person."
True authentic power lies in the ability to have the soul guide the personality. Rather than reacting to external situations and stifling the soul's influence. That can change. But first let's talk about labels and the ego.
How Labels Get in the Way
The ego is a survival mechanism the brain created to avoid death. Even though we've evolved from our caveman days, it works to protect you with the same intensity. The ego looks for any excuse to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Risky. Uncertain. It thrives on routine, sameness, and comfort. It hates being wrong. Which is why personality tests and believing your personality is fixed is the ego's dream come true.
In Personality Isn't Permanent*, Dr. Benjamin Hardy says, "A fundamental problem with traditional views of a fixed and innate personality is that people feel entitled to do only the things that feel natural or easy to them. If something is hard, difficult, or awkward, then people say, 'I shouldn’t have to do this.'" That's the ego staying cozy in its comfort zone.
The problem with personality tests is they can provide the ultimate excuse to stay stagnant. Dr. Hardy says, "Rather than adapting to difficult situations, we lazily apply labels to ourselves, such as “introvert” to justify our lack of willingness, openness, and commitment in various scenarios. As a result, we fall to the level of our labels rather than rise to the level of our commitment. In turn, we avoid conflict, difficulty, and newness, boxing ourselves into a shallow perspective of ourselves. We stunt our growth. We only do what brings instant gratification or immediate results."
Whoa. Powerful. That doesn't even cover how being labeled as a type or color supercharges judgment from others. Our brain inherently looks for ways to operate with more efficiency. It looks for patterns and categorizes stimuli so we function better. These tests turn us into categories. Types. Removes context and nuance. It takes away the dynamic, complex nature of the soul and minimizes it. It perpetuates the need to confirm biases and ignore what we don't want to see.
I'm not saying this is the case for EVERYONE. I've met people who enjoy these tests but are fully aware of their limits. One woman said she felt seen after knowing her type but that she works daily to become the person she envisions in the future. It doesn't stop her from stepping outside her comfort zone.
There's this deep desire to know your authentic self. Which is awesome. But it won't be found in a box. A type. A color. It's found within the gentle, inner knowing you feel beneath the surface of all you do. It's found by asking yourself "What would my soul want me to do?" when faced with a choice. Then following the prompting you get.
To quote Dr. Hardy again he says, "Your authentic self is not who you currently are, and it is definitely not who you used to be. Your authentic self is what you most believe in and who you aspire to be." Your soul has desires for a reason. It's plugged into that future self. It communicates with you always. But it's not forceful so you must stay still enough to tune in.
How to Create a Personality
The first step is to see your past, present, and future self as three different people. Your future self wouldn't make decisions the same way your present or past self would. Hopefully they'd be more evolved. Do things better than you do them now. Release any grasp the past or present has on you.
The second step is having an honest moment with yourself. If you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and envision your future self what do you feel and see? For me, I saw myself confident, happy, magnetic, and loving. I feel aligned. I feel on purpose.
Purpose wins over personality. When commitment to your purpose is strong enough it will change your personality. So what is your purpose? Of course thinking about your life's calling can feel overwhelming at times. So I want to keep today more simple and practical and save a broader sense of purpose for another day.
Instead, I want you to focus on: what's your purpose in each moment? This will help you feel grounded and consistently connected to your soul. It makes purpose more real and manageable.
Right now as I speak, my purpose is to get this message out. To be the vehicle. When I work with clients in my copywriting business my purpose is to support, enlighten, and guide them to a specific result.
The third step is to start creating goals based on your future self. If it's not clear by now Personality Isn't Permanent* is an awesome book because I keep quoting Dr. Hardy.
He says, "Rather than your decisions and goals being the by-product of your personality, your personality should become the by-product of your decisions and goals. As you proactively and intentionally make positive decisions, develop skills, and seek out new experiences, your personality will develop and change in meaningful ways. It will adapt to the level of your goals and decisions, rather than your decisions and goals falling to the level of your current personality."
We've talked a lot about vision, goals, and purpose. So how does mindfulness come into play?
Where Mindfulness Comes In
Mindfulness and living intentionally very much involves being present. It may seem like a totally different planet from goals and productivity. So how do the principles mentioned today fit into a mindful life?
Let's be real. Goals have a stigma around them. We're told you have to obsess over numbers, metrics, or the future. But that doesn't have to be the case.
Here's how I think about it. Is it smart to have an overall idea or feeling of the direction you're heading in? Yes. Do you need to visualize making an exact million dollars and quitting your job by August? No. Being too specific actually adds pressure and inflexibility.
Finding that happy medium is where it's at. So, see your future self. Then allow God/Universe to take care of the how and the how much. WAY easier said than done. But you can do it.
Another thing you could do is question the intention of every action for the next week. What are you telling yourself is important? For example if you choose watching TV instead of getting work done? Or eating ice cream late at night? Allow yourself to become aware of the intention.
Next, keep track of the ways you label yourself and therefore limit yourself. For example, I noticed how often I say "Oh, I don't have a design eye or spatial capabilities" when it comes to decorating our home. So whenever my husband asks if I like something he picked out I get shy, passive, and unsure. Because I've labeled myself as incapable I miss out on the opportunity to be a creative contributor. Start to approach your emotions with curiosity and follow the path they take you down.
Also, take note when something new feels uncomfortable. Instead of avoiding or resisting ask yourself this instead, "If my future self were here what would she do?" For example, I recently hired a virtual assistant for the first time. It's something I knew was the next step in my business and dreamed about for months.
Yet, when the time came to hire someone I started panicking a little. What if I don't get clients anymore and I can't afford it? What if this doesn't help me grow? The list goes on. Thankfully I recognized the ego and asked myself, "What would my future self do?" I saw her happy, confident, and running things on a bigger scale. So I did it. My dad emailed me later and said, "Reach high, reject passivity." Good advice.
What new things are you curious to try but avoid because of the uncomfortableness of the unknown?
I know it's tough combining the spiritual message of "Stay present. Enjoy the process." Which is inherently feminine in energy, with the knowledge of productivity and moving a project forward, which is more masculine. But I promise there's a way to find the sweet spot between the two.
Live with Authentic Power
When you operate purely from your soul and direct your personality to align with it that's when you have authentic power. That's how the human race is evolving. It's not just about listening to the five senses and ignoring the energy and spiritual realm beyond that. The most evolved human beings are ones who acknowledge the soul and deliberately create a personality around it. Now, it's more important than ever to allow your soul to be the driving force behind your every intention.
Knowing you're an active co-creator with God for your future self is freeing. The slate is clean. I feel much more momentum and synergy behind what I'm creating because I've released unnecessary mental and emotional space from doing the practices mentioned in this episode.
Which is what The Good Space aims to help with. Creating a space for yourself where you feel empowered, supported, loved, and capable. You are loved. You are capable.
Affirmation
I recognize the presence of my soul and allow it to direct my decisions in the physical world. I see who I'm becoming and align my personality to that person.
Do This Today
Take one step towards something you're afraid to try. Even if it's a tiny step. Take it.
Writing Prompt
Write at the top of the page “In what ways is my soul misaligned with my current personality? What changes do I need to make to get closer to my future self?”
Resources
Book: Personality Isn't Permanent* by Dr. Benjamin Hardy
Book: The Seat of the Soul* by Gary Zukav
Article: Why You Need to Stop Thinking Your Personality Has a Type with Dr. Benjamin Hardy
*This is an affiliate link. Purchasing through affiliate links helps fund The Good Space at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting us!
