How to Stop Negative Thoughts from Consuming Your Day
We’ve talked in the past about dealing with negative people, but this week I want to talk about dealing with your own negative thoughts. I truly believe we can re-learn how to think so that we don’t allow our negative thinking to take over our life. I want to share an exercise that I've been using for years that allows me to challenge my negative thoughts and then choose a better one. This exercise helps your true self override the programming of the ego. You'll start to internalize the exercise, automatically challenge them and pull in the reins. Give it a try and then let us know how it goes.
In previous posts, we’ve talked about how to deal with negative people. How our energy can be affected if we don’t learn how to create energetic boundaries. Then we shared a process you can use when a trigger response happens. You’re in the thick of intense emotions and you want to process it in a safe way. We also shared how to create affirmations that really work. Affirmations inherently help counteract the lower vibrations caused by negative thinking.
In THIS post I want to talk specifically about negative thinking and a way to stop them from consuming your day. Negative thoughts are different from the topics in those other episodes in a few ways. First, they happen within yourself. Other people can’t make you stop or start them. Or hear your negative thoughts unless you choose to share. When a trigger response happens it’s during a singular intense moment. Negative thoughts are consistently there. They guide the way someone views and acts in the world. Affirmations are great tools that help us rewire the way our brain fires. To think new thoughts. But they often don’t get to the ROOT cause of negative thoughts. Thankfully there’s a tool I’m going to share with you today that will help.
Laura Denke, my therapist in Los Angeles, created this simple yet powerful method that fits into the CBT model and taught it to me when I first started seeing her in my early twenties. We had her on the podcast to talk about how to better love yourself in a relationship. She’s incredible. The process is free and simple and involves a piece of paper and pen. We’ll get into the specifics after we lay some groundwork first.
A Method for a New Life
I started seeing Laura after I realized I may struggle with anxiety. I'd always been an energetic, go-getter but didn't recognize that the constant panic I felt may be a sign of anxiety. Even though I was a good friend and had a lot of people in my life I could get closed off, defensive, and opinionated as a way to push people away. I had emotional bubble wrap surrounding me. When I couldn’t control things I’d have this teapot effect of emotions bursting from the pressure inside.
My anxiety hit its peak when I passed out for the first time ever in an urgent care room. I'll spare details for any sensitive listeners, but I needed something treated out of nowhere and the whole situation overwhelmed me. And I passed out. After that, I'd have uncontrollable panic attacks when I was driving, attending events, etc.
They're terrifying. You feel utterly out of control and helpless. That's when I knew I needed professional help. When I saw Laura she later defined what I was experiencing as catastrophizing. I honestly thought I would be stuck like that forever and wasn’t sure this would work. Especially since I hadn’t had any luck with a few therapists before her.
When her method worked I literally felt like I was given a new life. We’ll jump into how to use that pen and paper to your advantage but I want to spend a quick moment explaining why learning this skill is important. It involves writing and documenting so I know that may cause some resistance.
Re-Learning How to Think
I truly believe that we’re not doomed to a life of negativity, catastrophic thinking, or anxiety. That just as we learned to walk or cook we can re-learn how to think. It seems hard at first because we’re used to thinking a certain way. It’s easier to stick to the status quo. Yet, if we truly want to stop negative thoughts from consuming our day then we need to slow down. To understand what’s happening on a moment-to-moment basis then have the patience with ourselves to relearn and redirect.
I like to think of this blog as a shop and each post holds within it some tool you can use to feel better and live well. You can read each one, test what they share out, then decide which you want to keep in your emotional and spiritual toolbox as you continue on your journey. If you can promise me right here and now you will give this a try for two weeks you’ll be in great shape.
Also, this exercise requires writing stuff down throughout the day. I love writing by hand and inside journals so filling in columns on a piece of paper wasn’t difficult for me. However, I don’t want this to stop you from trying this exercise out. If you prefer a digital version, I've created a printable worksheet and a Google Sheet that mimics what I would create in my notebook. Pick whichever appeals to you most.
Internalize the Process
One of the first things Laura had me do was create three columns on a piece of paper. The one furthest left was titled “irrational thought,” the middle one titled “truthful thought,” and the third column labeled “fiction thought.”
Every time I would think a negative thought I had to write it down under the correct column. Then I had to explain to myself why it was irrational or fiction, then on the left one had to pick a more positive thought. I did that about every hour. Or even a few times an hour. Negative thought, why is it irrational, and what could I say instead?
For example, an irrational thought I wrote was “he doesn't answer my texts right away so he doesn't love me. (It's ok. He has things to do and it's better if we don't talk 24/7. Don't be so eager or jump too far ahead. It's all ok. Concentrate on other things that make you happy.)” The fiction thought I wrote was “I'm a failure and no one will ever want me. (God/Universe will always want me and never wants me to feel unloved. You're too hard on yourself and if you've made a lot of progress before you can do it again.)” And the truthful thought I wrote was “I feel negative, ashamed, and alone. (It's ok to not know what's going to happen next. Even the happiest people in the world don't have certainties. It's ok to feel the way you feel. You're safe here. I'm confident miracles exist and will come into my life. I deserve joy, happiness, and love so I lovingly and confidently invite it into my life.)”
After a few weeks, I started noticing I wasn't writing any negative thoughts down. Then I realized it’s because I had internalized the process. I was automatically and naturally challenging the thought and choosing a better one. It was incredible.
I know some people are averse to a seemingly archaic process like writing every thought down but I promise it's that resistance and impatience of the ego that'll keep you stuck. This exercise helps your true self override the programming of the ego. And in two weeks or less of doing this, you'll internalize the exercise and won't even need to write thoughts down. You'll automatically challenge them and pull in the reins. Give it a try and then let us know how it goes.
Of course, if your situation requires a professional to support you please get that for yourself. I feel blessed this is a tool I could have in my toolbox that gave me results when things got tough.
A few times over the years I've had to bust out this worksheet and use it for a few days. It doesn't matter how often I need to use it or when. The beauty is I knew I had a safe way to process and pivot the negative thinking I experienced. I felt empowered knowing how to positively care for myself and continue to add more tools every year. You too deserve to feel that empowerment, so give yourself that shot. Keep learning, healing, becoming aware, and processing.
Affirmation
I choose thoughts that support and uplift my best self and lovingly question the ones that don’t.
Writing Prompt
What do I notice about my thinking that’s helpful or harmful? How do I want to change my thinking to increase my abundance and joy?
Resources
Grab the free Negative Thoughts worksheet here.
Want to be more productive? Get our new productivity eBook!
Get our daily love notes and resources in your inbox.
Download our free masculine and feminine energy guide.
*This is an affiliate link. Purchasing through affiliate links helps fund The Good Space at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting us!
