How to Heal Emotional Pain and Find More Compassion
Do you feel like your emotions control you? That they define who you are? If you’re looking for emotional healing and understanding read or listen to this post about how to get out of emotional trance and develop a happier existence.
Today I want to talk about a method I’ve learned recently that’s helped me progress on the path towards spiritual freedom and emotional healing. Since most of us aren’t taught how to process emotions we can find ourselves holding onto past experiences and getting them stuck in our bodies. Emotions hold energy and if our body doesn’t properly process them it will stick that energy somewhere. This can then contribute to physical pains, irritability, sadness, and more.
Growing up I was taught that my emotions defined who I was. That I couldn’t help how I felt. Which made me feel like a victim in most situations. So if you’ve ever felt or feel right now that your emotions control you or you have trapped emotional pain you want to work through this episode is for you.
I’ve since learned that I’m not defined by my thoughts or emotions. You and I have a choice and can choose the emotional experiences we have. The first step is recognizing when you’re living in a trance or an illusioned state of being.
What is Trance?
Did you know that most of us live in a trance? In her book, Radical Compassion*, Tara Brach says, “Being in a trance is like being in a dream. We’re unaware that there’s a larger, living reality.” This often looks like rushing through the day, getting lost in random thoughts, feeling disconnected from the body and heart. Not even remembering what you did or ate. We’re cut off from our rich inner life and have a disconnect between our souls and our personality.
Eckhart Tolle takes it a step further when he talks about the illusory self. This stems from the ego and is an optical illusion it plays on us. Tolle says, “That illusory self then becomes the basis for all further interpretations, or rather misinterpretations of reality, all thought processes, interactions, and relationships. Your reality becomes a reflection of the original illusion.”
It’s become normal for people to identify completely with their incessant stream of compulsive thinking. As Tolle says, “There is no ‘I’ apart from their thought processes and the emotions that go with them.” Or as Tara Brach says, “We are at the mercy of unconscious beliefs, feelings, and memories that drive our decisions and reactions to life...When we’re in a trance, we usually feel separate or alone, threatened, and/ or incomplete.”
If you feel irritable with everyone - your kids, husband, boss - then you’re in trance. If you ate a whole bag of chips without even realizing it - then you’re in trance. If you feel overwhelmed by even the smallest things...yep, trance.
How to Get Out of Trance
Despite what the world around you may have you believe that isn’t you. The real you. You’re a divine, limitless spirit that thrives on peace, simplicity, and space. There is no such thing as separation or aloneness. When we feel those things that means we’re living through the ego.
However, each of us can live in such a way that we feel awake, open, and compassionate. That is where the homeostasis of our spirits lie. We’re meant to spend our days in overwhelming joy and experience successes greater than we could ever imagine. Your spirit doesn’t live by the limiting nature of thought and emotion.
It lives by the expansive nature of love, oneness, and possibility. When we’re in trance it’s hard to reconcile this. So how do we get out of the constricting nature of trance and into the expansive, healing space of consciousness? In Radical Compassion, Tara Brach teaches an easy practice for breaking out of trance or the illusory self. It’s called the RAIN method. Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture.
Recognize Your Emotions
Recognition is the first step. When you feel anxiety or stress in your body that’s when it’s time to gently pause. Place your attention on what you’re experiencing. Be curious about it. No need to judge or react.
You may notice a whole cluster of emotions swirling in your mind. That’s ok. When you see clouds in the sky you don’t try to jump up and catch them. You let them float by. Unless you do jump after and catch clouds then more power to you.
Lately, my trance looks like working all day without a break because I’m obsessed with reaching some outcome. I start to feel this building pressure within. Then I notice myself releasing big sighs which is a sign I’ve been anxious and stuck in a trance not listening to my body. That’s when I tell myself, “I’m here. I’m here.” to get myself out. We need those kinds of breaks. We need energetic resets throughout the day.
Allow Emotions to Exist
The second step is to allow. Allow the recognition of whatever emotion you’re experiencing to exist. To initiate allowing, Brach says, “gently [ask], ‘Can I be with this?’ or ‘Can I let this be?’” This helps you deal with the natural resistance that comes with feelings that are uncomfortable or undesirable. So rather than give in to resistance, questioning yourself gives you a brief enough gap between feeling and reaction to make a different choice.
I know I tend to overanalyze and get into solution mode when I’m experiencing emotions I don’t want. Like the answer to peace is some intellectual game I must win. But what I’ve learned is to feel the fullest of the spiritual spectrum we must allow everything to be included in that experience. Not picking and choosing certain emotions over others. Seeing emotions as our friends that guide us to consciousness.
Investigate What You’re Feeling
Once you’ve taken a pause to recognize your emotions and allow them to exist it’s now time to investigate. What’s underneath the thoughts? Where in your body are you most aware of its affect?
This is when you ask that part of your body what it’s trying to communicate. A few question Brach lists are ones like:
What is the most difficult/painful thing I am believing?
Where are my feelings about this strongest in my body?
If the most vulnerable hurting part of me could communicate, what would it express?
What does this part most need (from me or from some larger source of love and wisdom)?
Approach this with a sense of interest and curiosity. No judgment. I think many of us, myself included, tend to label certain emotions as bad so we judge ourselves when we experience them. Which causes resistance and so on. Instead, let’s sit and let the answer unfold. This part may feel uncomfortable because the reason we are stuck in trance, to begin with, is we avoid feeling the present moment. Let yourself listen to the answer.
You may see an image. There was a time I felt pain in my lower, left back. After recognizing and accepting the pain, then allowing it to exist, I asked what that pain was trying to communicate. Then an image of me walking through a dense forest came to mind. I started gently pushing aside tree branches until I came into a clearing where a lighted figure was elevated above the ground. I imagined myself laying down and the lighted figure started wrapping me with light. Then I a voice whispered to me that I wasn’t embracing or owning my power.
You see what happened here? I receive a clear answer from within myself. The amount of healing I experienced after that moment was more powerful than anyone else outside of me could create
When you give yourself the space and feeling of safety you need to be curious about your emotional health that’s when you’re able to heal. No one can be creative or loving when they feel scared or trapped. We must be kinder to ourselves and allow ourselves to feel safe.
Which leads us to the last step in this process…
Nurture From Your Highest Self
When you’ve been brave enough to walk into the brighter unknown depths of your inner life it’s time to reward yourself. Ask what it is you need to feel loved and nurtured. Usually when you get to this point you’ll know what you need. What’s your natural response?
You might imagine a parent or pet hugging you with love. Or leaning into the warmth of accepting yourself. Take this moment to follow the nudge to what’s most nurturing and do that thing. For me, it’s usually placing my hand on my heart and feeling that connection. Other times it’s laying on the couch with a comfy blanket and a good book.
The key here is to receive. Many of us aren’t as good at receiving as we are at giving. This is the toughest part for me but I’ve noticed a difference. My friends have too. After forcing myself for a week to focus on rest and nurture my friend said, “Your energy seems so full and different from when you were stressed last week.” Such a compliment and testament to the power of listening to your inner voice.
Receive a Happier Existence
Try out this method the next time you feel anxious or like you want to avoid an emotion. Recognize, allow, investigate, and nurture. It can seem too simple but most powerful things are. This practice will help you receive more joy and live an overall happier existence. You’ll start giving yourself the attention and compassion you need to thrive.
This is also somewhat of a gateway habit into looking within for answers. So many of us disempower ourselves by thinking answers lie without. That experts, friends, or family know what you should do. The truth is you’re so powerful you don’t even know it. This practice will give you a way to get comfortable with hearing yourself and traveling down the path that’s yours and yours alone.
Affirmation
I allow myself to accept the emotions I feel without judgment and nurture myself so I can feel good.
Do This Today
Practice the first two steps of RAIN: Recognize and Allow. Anytime you feel an emotion you resist like anger or anxiety recognize it’s there and allow it to exist.
Writing Prompt
What am I resisting the most in my life? How can I release it better?
Resources
Enroll in Creative Connection Writing Group.
Join our private Facebook group here.
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