How to Deal with Negative People and Take Your Energy Back
We all know what it’s like dealing with negative people with toxic energy. It can feel icky and bring your own down. If you’re struggling with some version of this in your life then this post is for you. We’ll talk about how you can feel lighter and handle the negative energy others may expect you to carry or you expect yourself to carry. That way, you can have more space for your creative endeavors, for your family, or for anything you’ve been wanting to give time to. I promise this will make a difference.
Today I want to talk about something that I feel a lot of us deal with, sometimes on a daily basis and something that popped up in my own life recently. I know before, we've talked about building personal energetic shields, and yet, it seems to be something that pops up even after knowing this information. So it's always going to be something to work on and be aware of. So hopefully, this is helpful for you if you're struggling with either toxic energy or negative energy from people.
As I’m sure you already know, we build perceptions unconsciously. So depending on who raises us, those perceptions can vary greatly. Some people grew up in wonderful homes with a lot of support and love, so maybe their perceptions of the world are very positive and they feel like they don't have limitations. While other people can be raised in not-so-great homes, maybe they have toxic families, toxic parents, emotionally immature parents. Regardless, each of us creates perceptions of the world and the lens through which we look at the world, we create based on our experiences and examples, and things that we've seen in the world.
What often stops us from having the life we want is the brain, our brain wants to be efficient. So we all have these programs that keep wiring and firing over and over again every day. Many times when a parent can't be there for you emotionally, or they're negative in their thinking, it doesn't mean they're a horrible person. And same for anyone else who can't be there for you emotionally or negative in their thinking. It usually means that that's how they've been wiring and firing for years, maybe their whole life, maybe they have never known anything different or haven’t thought to question it and change it. It's in our best interest to become aware of these perceptions within ourselves. And change is necessary because we can't change other people. We can't send other people to a therapist or to someone else and be like you need to change. We don't have control over that, we have control over our own perceptions, our own things that we need to change.
Extra emotional weight, like guilt, shame, or obligations that are thrown on us by others often weigh us down and take up precious energetic real estate. They weigh us down more than we realize, trust me. And imagine if all of that weight disappeared right now. Are you feeling lighter? That's what I want to talk about today. How to feel lighter and handle things better than negative people or negative energy others expect you to carry or maybe that you expect yourself to carry. So that way you can have more space for your creative endeavors for your family for anything you've been wanting to give time to. I promise this will make a difference.
Dealing with Negative People
Earlier this week someone close to me complained about my desire to maybe move back to Europe someday. The keyword here is maybe. As in not decided or permanent yet. They complained because it meant they couldn’t see me as often.
My response was to feel upset and a little bit guilty. As I shared what happened later with a close friend she pointed out how much space feeling guilty takes. Then with kindness said no one can make me feel guilty. It’s a choice. Then she asked if I genuinely felt like I did something wrong. No. I didn’t.
Let’s unpack this for a second:
First, I was enjoying the high vibrations of excitement, gratitude, and joy sharing my hope for the possible future. And decided to share that with another person. That person responded based on their own unique perceptions and lens on life and made a statement influenced by their fear. Fear being a lower vibrational energy.
It’s a foundational principle of the universe that higher energy converts all lower energy. But the reverse isn’t possible. Only if the person experiencing higher vibrations chooses to lower theirs. So because of MY perceptions about myself and the world I took the bait and lowered my energy to that of guilt and shame. Wanting to cave again into pleasing people and feeling worthy.
Luckily for me, I called a friend who lives in a higher vibration and she was able to call this whole energetic exchange out for what it was. She reminded me it’s a choice to feel guilty. Of course, it’s good to check in on our motives and be open to learning if we’ve hurt someone but I knew this moment wasn’t one of them.
So I imagined myself holding this bag of fear and sadness the other person gave me via their words and handed it back to them. Then I went back to my day, listened to positive things, and felt so much lighter.
When you interact with negative people, think of them handing you a big bag of emotional junk. Then it’s your responsibility to put that thing back where it came from as they say in that song at the end of Monsters Inc. Love that movie.
Taking Your Energy Back
Here are six takeaways I got from that recent experience. I hope it will help you in your situation:
Be intentional about who you share things with. It's so hard sometimes to not be able to include family or friends or people that you really want to include in things. But if they're just going to be a downer, or make you feel worse, then you need to be cautious and, and careful about who you share things with because you want to have your energy stay as high as possible. You should do life the way you want to do life and not have to feel bad about that.
If you sense or experience someone giving you a bag full of their negative emotions keep imagining yourself handing the bag back. Their emotions are their responsibility. Not yours. And because you’re handing back what’s rightfully theirs you’ll have more space to give them the love they need. There’s nothing wrong with saying “I’m sorry to hear you feel that way. Just know I love you and am here for you.”
Remove yourself from the situation or hang up the phone if you feel you need to. Just as the person you’re dealing with has a responsibility to their emotions and wellbeing you do too. Take care of yourself and do what it takes to feel that spacious, pure energy. Someday you’ll be able to not let what people say affect you in the moment but until that time remove yourself as needed. Of course, if anything involves physical or verbal abuse please get professional help and remove yourself from that situation as fast as possible.
Create boundaries. I’ve had to tell that same person, in the past, that I’m happy with my life and if they can’t support me and only give negative reactions then I’ll hang up the phone. This was years ago and it’s helped tremendously although some of the negativity still slips through now and again. As a whole, life has been much better with that person. Your boundaries can look different based on what you need. You may need looser ones or more strict ones.
Notice those moments you’re choosing to lower your vibration based on the reaction of someone else. Question it. Why are you choosing to take on guilt or shame? Are you addicted to those emotions? Do you not see yourself as worthy? You don’t have to obsess or dwell on this. Just take note and be aware and then flip the script in your mind. Say or listen to affirmations. Remind yourself that you’re a wonderful, brave person and you’re choosing to not entertain negativity or thoughts that work against your best success. Cleanse your energy by doing the exercise I taught in this blog post.
Make it your mission after hearing this to go enjoy your freaking life. Be that brave, unapologetic person you know you are. Give back every bag of emotion that isn’t yours and start to question and eliminate any perceptions you hold that limit what you see as possible.
What resonated the most with you? Leave a comment below!
Affirmation
I expand the amount of space I give to my health, wealth, and relationships every day in a positive and loving way.
Writing Prompt
What negativity do I feel my spirit trying to release? What positive possibilities for my life feel good when I think about them?
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