How to Create Affirmations that Really Work
There is so much stigma and incorrect information around affirmations, so this week I want to talk to you about why affirmations are so powerful and some of the mistakes people often make. Using affirmations the right way could be the difference between continuing to feel like you’re suffocating in an emotional prison, or finally being let free to breathe fresh air once again. They're also a great self-grounding and confidence-boosting tool. Keep reading to learn how to feel more centered and aligned.
Imagine waking up every morning excited to live a new day. You say a silent prayer of gratitude then smile as you start your morning routine. Your body feels strong and you feel fulfilled.
Maybe this sounds awesome to you. But maybe you're experiencing a different reality: hitting the snooze button for the fifth time, scarfing down a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, squeezing into your jeans (or sweatpants), only to plop in front of your laptop going from one distraction to another.
If your reality isn't where you want it to be then I'm glad you're listening to this right now. And don't worry. I'm not here to tell you to say "I am strong" every day out loud. I dunno about you but I'm tired of the surface style clickbait-y stuff you find online. The equivalent of asking about the weather.
The truth is most of us have negative belief loops running 24/7 in our minds. We learn this as children and it becomes so ingrained as our guidance system that no string of fluffy positive statements will make a difference.
Take for example the times I'd send a poorly worded email as an assistant in the music industry. Wanting to prove myself but feeling like dirt if I messed up. Or when I started dating someone feeling like at any second things would go wrong. No amount of "I'm strong" or "I'm confident" would stop me from feeling this sick sinking feeling in my diaphragm. Or calling a friend analyzing all possible catastrophes driving myself mad.
Newsflash: the bad things never happened. It was a belief of low self-worth at play that attracted the thoughts that would feed into and confirm that negative belief. That's how powerful the tendency towards negativity is. Our bodies will literally look for any proof possible to confirm the negative biases we have towards ourselves. We've got to bring a stronger force than that.
This is why using affirmations the right way could be the difference between continuing to feel like your suffocating in an emotional prison or finally being let free to breathe fresh air once again. They're also a great self-grounding and confidence-boosting tool. They can help you break away from destructive thinking and go from catastrophe to calm. If you want to feel centered and aligned then this episode is for you.
I'll show you how to make your own life-changing creation affirmations towards the latter half of this episode. There is so much stigma and incorrect information around them that we need to know why affirmations are powerful and their benefits. Also, the mistakes people make. So let's dive in.
What are Affirmations?
Whether you're conscious of it or not, you're using affirmations 24/7. Louise Hay says, "Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation. All of our self-talk, our internal dialogue, is a stream of affirmations...You’re affirming and creating your life experiences with every word and thought."
You can also create your own affirmations to affirm a desired state of being. Typical examples sound like, "I am strong" or "I am successful". Sure those sound nice but most people will ping off their hardened metal armor hardly making a scratch like Iron Man's suit. We need affirmations that penetrate through our deeply ingrained beliefs.
Beliefs and how we think dictate the course of our lives. Dr. Jennice Vilhauer says, "Your inner dialogue is a profoundly powerful force that ultimately determines the outcome of your life." The key is being aware of and intentional with what you say. And in case you need more scientific proof let's take a quick dive into some theories.
Why Affirmations are Important
Claude Steele created the well-established self-affirmation theory about the effect of positive affirmations which dates back to the 1980s. On Intelligent Change they say, "According to this theory, the process of self-affirmation is activated by threatening information: those that confront our adequacy or integrity. The purpose of self-affirmations is restoring the perception of ourselves as adequate, moral, competent, good, coherent, stable, capable of free choice, or controlling important outcomes, and so on."
Notice how they said "restoring the perception of ourselves". We were born knowing we were competent, good, capable of free choice, and more. Somewhere along the way, we collected negative belief villains, letting them dictate our lives until they're stronger than the truth of how good we are. Affirmations swoop in like a superhero to bring balance back.
Dr. Jennice Vilhauer says, "What you say to yourself matters because it is the basis of your actions, and your actions create your life experiences." She continues to say, "Your inner dialogue is also the foundation for your emotional experiences. You can either say things to yourself that create emotions that feel good or emotions that feel bad. You are the only one who can choose your inner dialogue."
I used to think I was stuck being negative my whole life. That it was an unchangeable trait. But once I learned I had a choice then everything open up for me. There are actual benefits we get from growing an affirmation practice in our lives.
Benefits of Affirmations
A few studies show wonderful effects affirmations can have on our well-being. In a study titled Self-Affirmation: Understand the Effects, David K. Sherman predicted an affirmation "enhances the psychological resources available to an individual to confront a threat." That when your values are affirmed during difficult moments you're more likely to manage better.
Dr. Ronald Alexander, a mind/body psychotherapist, says, "An affirmation can work because it has the ability to program your mind into believing the stated concept. This is because the mind doesn't know the difference between what is real or fantasy."
Psychology Today and Intelligent Change say that research shows "positive affirmations can have a positive effect on a range of behaviors and responses, including":
Decreasing stress and defensiveness by broadening our self-perspective.
Improving health-related behavior such as healthy eating and exercise, coping with obesity.
Helping people to cope more effectively with perceived threats, and even improving academic performance.
Maintaining a positive identity, good mood, and relationships with others.
If this is what an affirmation can do then why do so many people see them as ineffective or silly?
Why Affirmations Seem Ineffective or Silly
Here are three main reasons affirmations tend not to work. You can use these reasons to your advantage as you write your own:
Creating statements that you don't really believe is true. The brain resists big leaps. Change triggers its fight or flight mode and also triggers looking for evidence in your mind for why the new affirmation isn't true.
The key is creating statements that feel like an improvement but on the edge of what you're comfortable with. Something reasonable to believe in. This doesn't mean you're ignoring your ultimate desire or thinking small. It means you're working with the makeup of your brain instead of against it. You're letting yourself take incremental steps.Attitude stays the same. Another reason people don't see a difference even if they've repeated affirmations for months is they'll say the affirmative statement but continue to complain the rest of the day. An open/humble mind plus habits and values that support the change you want is key. Btw, a morning routine is the easiest way to click into that change. You can download my free guide now to get started right away.
Unconscious deeply rooted negative beliefs. One final obstacle could be that there's a negative belief so deeply rooted in the unconscious that you don't even realize it sabotages the positive effect of the affirmation. For this, you need to become aware of the negative belief and then speak a positive opposite to it. My therapist taught me an exercise where throughout the day I'd write down any negative thought that comes to mind then next to it explain why it's negatively inspired. Then I write why it's not true. After two weeks I started doing this automatically and noticed the negative thinking lessened by 80%. It felt so freeing. If this more in-depth exercise sounds appealing to you DM me BELIEF on Instagram so we can make sure to share this in the future.
How to Create Positive Affirmations
There are different affirmation practices out there but the one I like to use is an elevated form of affirmation writing. Inspired by Rachel Hollis, they're called creation affirmations and I'll share the simple three-step process I use here:
Writing. Every morning I write down ten creation goals I envision as already created that mirror the life I want. A few are about money, The Good Space expanding, a successful writing career, and a thriving relationship with my husband. When I first created my sentences it took me a few days to get to the final ten that felt good. When making yours allow yourself to just create them. No judgment. Then tweak based on what makes your heart feel good. If it doesn't then that means something needs to change. If you want a full list of my creation affirmations and more guidance on how to make your own be sure to download my affirmation freebie linked in the show notes.
Visualization. After I write them down I like to sit for a minute or two visualizing what that life looks like if those affirmations were true. I see the house, feel the bright airy energy, the peace on my face, the comfy elevated clothes, and allow that feeling to expand. Sometimes I'll put my hand on my heart. The idea is to step into that version of yourself now and work towards being like her now.
Gratitude journal. Every night before bed I like to list 3 things I'm grateful for. When I pray I always start the prayer with gratitude. There's something about getting into a grateful state that opens the gate for possibilities and potential.
Affirmation Suggestions
There's no right or wrong way about how to create your affirmations. Only that they're positive, specific, and coherent. That they connect and resonate with you on a deeper level. Here are a few suggestions to help guide you:
Make each affirmation in the present tense. Even if the affirmation isn't physically true the idea is to act as if. To plant the seed and set in motion the action needed to actually make it true. Our bodies don't like to have a disconnect from what it believes and its reality (cognitive dissonance) so it'll do whatever it can to make it real.
Create affirmations that are believable. Even if your goal is to make $100k or lose 20 pounds but right now you don't believe those numbers are achievable then write affirmations that you believe in. 'I intend to make $50k this year in an authentic and happy way' or 'I am 5 pounds lighter and feeling happier than ever'. Then once you make those affirmations a reality you can replace them with the next level of affirmation. Just because you write affirmations that are a few steps behind your ultimate goal doesn't mean you won't reach that ultimate goal. You want to go from one believable statement to the next. Life isn't about meeting an end goal. It's about continuing to expand and enjoying the journey.
Allow affirmations to be fluid. As you write your affirmations every day you'll notice some will become real and others may not resonate anymore. When either of those situations happens it's time to replace that affirmation with a new one. We're ever-evolving and growing. We also have different spiritual and emotional seasons. Let yourself have the grace of flowing with what resonates with you. It's ok to edit/change your affirmations as you yourself change.
Daily Positive Affirmation Examples
I intend to attract wealth and prosperity in unlimited abundance.
My business grows by [INSERT #] subscribers/customers/listeners a month with ease.
I write books that touch millions of lives.
I create digital products that change lives and bring in at least [INSERT AMOUNT] a month.
My relationship with [INSERT PARTNER'S NAME] is filled with.
Listen to this episode for ideas and play on repeat every morning to feel inspired: Affirmations for a Positive and Prosperous New Year.
For more affirmation ideas see one created by Louise Hay.
Affirmation
I intend to elevate my thinking and grow into a higher version of myself by being joyfully intentional with my words.
Do This Today
Make ten creation affirmations that support the kind of life you want.
Writing Prompt
What are my negative thoughts often focused on? What are a few affirmations I can speak to them this week?
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