Are You Being Honest with Yourself?
Why is it hard to be truly honest with ourselves? Think of times you’ve said yes to people when you didn’t want to. Or tolerated things because you were afraid to be honest about what you really wanted. The moment you can be honest about the intentions behind what you do the sooner you can feel more freedom and peace. Keep reading to learn what honesty looks like and how to be more honest moving forward.
My latest life wake-up call came in the form of four stumpy paws. When my husband and I got a new corgi puppy a few months ago our world turned upside down. Between the incessant biting and loss of freedom, we questioned our decision and wanted to rehome her. Her cute fuzzy face wasn’t the issue. It was losing the life we had overnight. Paying a bunch of money for a huge life commitment we weren’t sure would pay off.
We had planned and prepared to get a new dog for years so why was this happening? That feeling of shock made me question how honest I’d been with myself about wanting a dog. Then how honest I’d been about everything else in my life.
It was during this stress overload that I picked up Being in Balance* by Dr. Wayne Dyer. He said something that changed the way I’m choosing to approach life forever. Dr. Dyer said that when your personality isn’t perceived by others the same way that your soul is feeling that’s why you feel misaligned.
Are you being honest with yourself about what you want? Are you being perceived in the way that you want to? My hope is that by the end of this post you’ll realize where you haven’t been honest with yourself, commit to realigning, and know how to take action today, and to feel more aligned with your well-being than before. I want to peel back the layers a little bit about self-honesty and inspire you to get your perception and soul’s desire back into alignment. That way when you are taking action it’s with total alignment to the soul.
When You’re Feeling Misaligned
This struck the biggest chord. I’ve felt misaligned in my business and life for a while now. I got into the habit of agreeing to commitments or saying things in conversations that contradict how I really feel. Almost because I’m shameful for wanting to express my truth.
This is similar to the concept Gary Zukav shares in The Seat of the Soul* about how we have the greatest power when our personality aligns with the soul. Essentially it means your personality wants the exact same things the soul does so they act in unison. One connected to the unmanifested (the soul) and the other planted in the manifested (personality). That means any action, thought, or belief we have aligns with the soul. There’s no conflict. It’s a principle that changed Oprah’s life too and one she often quotes as a changing moment for her.
If you feel a conflict now do not fear. You’re not doomed to inner chaos. We’re here to learn and all it takes is one aware moment after another. Of listening to your soul and then acting on that information.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to see if there’s an inner misalignment:
How do you see yourself at the soul level? Kind, loving, still, patient?
Would those closest to you say the same thing?
Is there a moment you felt like the words you spoke contradicted what your soul felt?
Is there anything you wish you had said no to? Yes to?
The answer to these should give you the insight you need. Those closest to me have told me I can come across as walled off or like I have everything together. Yet my soul craves connection and wants to share my struggles. So I realized there’s a gap between how I’m perceived and what my soul’s desiring.
On a zoomed out view, having this disconnect can cause confusing thoughts about what to focus on. What kind of creative work you want to do. The kind of life you want. Imagine wanting nothing but connection and love but realizing you’re perceived as buttoned up and walled off. It can be painful recognizing these mismatches.
For more insights on this listen to the podcast episode here where I discuss these concepts with my friend Emily Spang.
How to Be More Honest with Yourself
“there’s often a huge imbalance between how we see ourselves and how we’re perceived by the rest of the world. Becoming aware of this disparity can be exceedingly helpful in leading a more fulfilling and balanced life.” - Dr. Wayne Dyer
You know what’s misaligned in your life. The work you do. The relationships you have. Something has been tolerated more than it needs to be. And that’s ok. You’re reading this because you know you want to feel more connected. To carve that path to your truest future. Or as Dr. Dyer says, “You want the truth of who you believe you are to mesh with what you’re projecting outward.”
He then suggests a few ways to restore the balance through realignment:
Notice when you’re feeling misperceived. Then ask yourself if your “words and actions match the truth of your inner thoughts.”
What do you believe to be true about yourself? Think of the qualities you own as your truth. Are you a loving human being? Kind? Joyful? Nonjudgmental? That’s awesome.
Think of how you may sabotage those truths. It’s hard to be joyful if you look for reasons to be offended. Or kind if you argue with people.
Make a conscious effort to give what you want to get. If you want kindness are you giving it? If you want to feel accepted are you doing the same?
Write down your thoughts about how honest you’ve been with yourself. See what flows without judgment. My dishonesty revealed itself in the copywriting clients I took on even when I saw red flags or felt misaligned. Creating digital products that honestly felt boring because it’s what “experts” told me I should make.
Use this time to clean house. As you go throughout your day is there a client project you’re dreading? Make a note of that. Do you find yourself irritated around certain people because you can’t admit you don’t want to be friends with them?
Easier said than done for sure. Let’s dive a little into why it’s hard to be yourself.
Why it’s Hard to Be Yourself
Each of us has experienced moments that made us believe we weren’t enough. Or too much. Or too weird. When I was a kid I was energetic and super social. I’d often get my work done early and then want to talk to kids around me in class. That would get me in trouble most days but it’s when a mother told my mom to put me on Ritalin that I felt different. My mom never did btw.
Often we struggle to be honest with ourselves about what we want so we fit within the confines of our doubts, fears, or lack of confidence. Roles such as mother, wife, executive, wanting to please others, trusting too much in experts, and not trusting your ability to make right or better choices. Making decisions based on our situation now instead of acting on the vision of who we want to be in the future.
So what causes the dishonesty? It's insecurity. It's bad beliefs. It's trying to please other people. It's not seeing your worth. There's so much underneath it. And if you can just start one little thing at a time like: where do you want to eat? That's where I started. My husband's asked me where I wanted to eat. Before I'd say, let's go to Taco Bell or Fresh & Co. or Just Salad. I would give multiple options while secretly, I knew the one that I wanted, but I didn't want to be that person that makes someone go where I want to go.
But now I say what I want and let it sit. Sometimes I wait for the sting and it never comes. So start small and then get used to that and then you can work yourself up.
If there’s only one takeaway you grab from this post I hope it’s asking yourself these questions:
What do you desire deep down? Why are you afraid to admit it or pursue it? In what way could you start closing the gap between where you are how and where you desire to go?
To get more aligned with your inner voice download my free morning routine guide here.
Affirmation
I choose to be radically honest with love in everything I say and do.
Links From the Show
Get Being in Balance by Dr. Wayne Dyer here*.
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