5 Beliefs that Sabotage Your Ability to Trust Yourself
Have you felt this way at any point in the last year? Like nothing’s working the way you want it to. Like the law of attraction isn’t working. You find yourself focusing on stress. Focusing on the desire for something. This post is for you. I’m going through a season of spiritual independence and a few listeners in The Good Space community told me they are, too. We’re tired of being spoken AT and are ready to start trusting ourselves more. Keep reading to see what 5 common beliefs sabotage your ability to trust yourself.
Trusting yourself more felt like an important topic to talk about. I’m going through a season of discovery and a few listeners in The Good Space community told me they are, too. After going super hard focusing on growth this last year I started recognizing the conditioning and stories I’ve been sold about the life I’m “supposed” to live. First, it was to get good grades, land a corporate job, get married, buy the house, adopt the dog, have the kids, and so on.
That wasn’t even close to the life I had after high school and for years I thought something was wrong with me. Even after I embraced my non-traditional path and owned the role of entrepreneur and creative there were so many voices telling me to do a course, mastermind, group coaching, one on one coaching and I often felt this pressure to do it because there was “no other way”. I put a lot of effort into creating certain offerings even after feeling misaligned because that’s what I thought I’m supposed to do. I ended up being unsuccessful anyway because my heart wasn’t in it.
For years I approached this as something being wrong with me. But the truth is it’s not you or me that’s wrong. It’s the environment. I can’t wait to talk more about this in belief three but just know it’s not you. Each of us varies in our likes, dislikes, and how we thrive. There are so many different ways to live life and to make an impact that it’s ok if your way isn’t the same way as someone else.
The point is I believed there was a right and wrong way to live my life. To be honest, I felt trapped and fearful. That if I didn’t have a crazy amount of followers on Instagram or wasn’t leveling up to six figures then I’m a failure. So I put these online experts on a pedestal. It wasn’t until I all but burned out and wanted to quit everything and live in a remote village in Germany that I surrendered.
That’s the thing about having a divine, all-powerful soul inside of you. It doesn’t change. It doesn’t care about trends or what someone else is doing. It’s plugged into the magnificent source of the Universe and sees no limits. So if you’re fighting against its nature your soul will let you know. It’s like when Oprah said that the minute she learned how to align the desires of her personality (which is the ego) to the desires of her soul she acted with true power and purpose.
Making Decisions From the Soul
I decided I needed to pause and let myself listen within for what’s right and remove any outside noise. So I wrapped up every obligation I had said yes to that didn’t feel aligned. Then committed to saying no to absolutely everything. Only yes if it felt like a HELL yes. I stopped moving forward with other things in my business and got super still. It wasn’t easy.
It requires having conscious awareness in each moment and questioning the intention behind every choice. It’s hardest in the beginning when you’re re-training your mind then it gets better. You learn to start trusting yourself more every time you make a decision from the soul. It gets easier with time.
As you’re reading this tell me if you’ve felt this way at any point in the last year: Like nothing’s working the way you want it to. Like the law of attraction isn’t working the way you want it to. You find yourself focusing on the stress. Focusing on the desire for something. Which I talked about in this post on overcoming resistance.
When you focus on what you want you inherently admit there’s a lack and the Universe responds to that intention by giving more lack. You’re questioning what you’re doing and if you even want to do it anymore. You feel like what you’ve been sold isn’t working for you but it’s hard to see how you can do it any other way.
Start Trusting Yourself
I am with you. I am on this exact same journey as we speak and I can tell you there is another way. These feelings of discomfort are trying to communicate with us. When someone is misaligned with their soul’s true purpose they’ll feel that discomfort. They’ll see that discord in their life.
Rather than feel ashamed or scared when we see evidence that things aren’t working out let’s practice trusting these emotional indicators and have a relationship of curiosity with them instead of resistance or fear. Let yourself become curious and nonjudgmental toward your experience and see what revelations bubble up to the surface.
Think of that nonjudgmental space as we go through the five beliefs that sabotage your ability to trust yourself. I’m on a mission to do life differently. To strip away that incessant need to be relevant, visible, and hustling. To create a space where everyone is excited to choose the path that feels most aligned to their soul and their mission.
Whether that means being off social media. Not climbing the corporate ladder. Or climbing it. Whether that means being ok earning $70k a year and not feeling pressure to hit six figures because everyone says you should. I want you to trust yourself. And be ok with your path or spiritual revelations and answers looking different than others around you.
I want you to leave this moment thinking more about what you’ve been conditioned to believe and what kind of life you would love if there were no limits, rules, or judgment. Just a blank slate with no knowledge of any limit. I also hope you leave inspired to learn to trust yourself more.
Belief 1: Thinking the Answers Lie Outside Yourself.
The truth is, you already have all the answers you need. You do. Maybe you’re like me where I thought this didn’t apply to me. That other people have the answers because they’re smarter, more experienced, or more gifted. These are tactics the ego uses to distract us from trying something we’re not used to.
As soon as I started questioning those beliefs and allowing myself to practice acting on what my inner wisdom was saying the downloads I received were unreal. My friend and I were texting the other day and she said, “I’m in a season where I’m tired of being spoken AT and I’m just in action mode on my own now.” I love that she said this because it meant she was plugged into her soul and didn’t feel the need to listen to anyone else’s voice but her own. That’s a natural by-product of being plugged in. I’m at that point, too. How about you?
I know we’re not the only ones feeling TIRED of the messages being hurled at us. A lot of them lack spiritual grounding or empathy and I think that’s why it doesn’t sit right anymore. There’s a shift that’s been happening and many of us are craving simplicity and the power that comes from raw inner wisdom. We’re starting to recognize that fulfillment comes from the personality acting in harmony with the soul. Here’s one reason it matters we start trusting ourselves more and going within first for answers.
Every person has their own unique combination of desires, obstacles, beliefs, opportunities, lack of opportunities, resources, and on and on. It would be silly to think that one or two paths fit all. It doesn’t. No one except God/Universe can understand what you need and give you the answers you need.
The world is like a candy shop where there are unlimited flavors, textures, and sizes. You wouldn’t buy black licorice if you hate the taste. So why do we think we have to buy the black licorice if some expert says we do? You know deep down what you like or don’t like. What kind of life you want to live. So let’s stop buying the damn black licorice and get the watermelon sour belts instead! Or whatever is your preference.
And if you like black licorice this analogy may seem weird so replace it with whatever candy you don’t like.
Belief 2: Thinking There’s a “Right Path” to Creating a Business, Course, Book, or Anything Creative.
The minute I committed to feeling good and focusing on what I KNEW God wanted me to focus on abundance flowed. Immediately and without effort. Money. Affection. All because my attention turned to what felt effortless and aligned.
This also proved it's not about if you want a ham sandwich or a beachside home in Malibu. If it makes you feel good, resistance releases, and abundance flows. It made sudden sense to not ever want anything that feels icky, pressure, or resistant because I won't get what I want anyway. So what's the point?
Elizabeth Daniels says, "Whenever your intention fails to manifest quickly, it’s because you aren’t a vibrational match to your intention. Instead, you’re a vibrational match to things remaining the same…and you probably don’t even realize it." My higher self was ready to evolve and expand. But without clarity and alignment around my intention for the future, I stayed in the vibration of my current self. My ego capitalized on that and fueled the fire with fears, doubts, and blocked manifestations.
Daniels continues, "Resistance usually takes the form of subconscious fears and doubts. You don’t even realize they’re there. Yet, they sit in the background and prevent your desires from manifesting. They act as counter-intentions and the more attention and energy you give them, the harder it is to manifest what you want.” Tony Fahkry says, "In order to move forward, resistance must be given up. This can be a challenging aspect since we take ownership of the emotion by identifying with it." When emotion becomes part of your identity it becomes even harder to let go of.
It feels as if we're abandoning ourselves. If we identify more with the ego-self than our higher self we'll feel a lot of internal conflicts as our emotions change. Which they do a lot! So what's a consistent way we can dissipate and work through resistance when we notice it's happening?
Belief 3: Giving too Much Power to Technology
As a society technology has been given so much power that it’s hard to see life without it as a possibility. My life is being changed right now by the book Deep Work* by Cal Newport. He points out that deep meaningful work is at a disadvantage due to a technopoly. He got this idea from late communication theorist and New York University professor Neil Postman who says, “We were…no longer discussing the trade-offs surrounding new technologies, balancing the new efficiencies against the new problems introduced. If it’s high-tech, we began to instead assume, then it’s good. Case closed.” Postman continues to say, “Technopoly eliminates alternatives to itself in precisely the way Aldous Huxley outlines in Brave New World*…it doesn’t make [those alternatives] illegal. It does not make them immoral. It does not even make them unpopular. It makes them invisible and therefore irrelevant.”
Most people attach relevancy to being on social media and the internet and those who are don’t get the label “irrelevant”. Businesses that don’t adopt social strategies are seen as archaic and behind the times. Our culture is internet-centrist (a term I’ve taken from Newport’s book who he took from social critic Evgeny Morozov). So now, most people believe being constantly connected is a necessity. A survival mechanism. So of course we started following people online, seeing their big followings as success in being relevant, wanting to feel relevant too, so we listen to their messages over our own wisdom and before you know it believe the answers don’t lie in the seductive world of “the internet”. Evgeny Morozov says, “It’s this propensity to view ‘the Internet’ as a source of wisdom and policy advice that transforms it from a fairly uninteresting set of cables and network routers into a seductive and exciting ideology…” Wow. See? That’s the power we’ve given to something. Rather than keeping it within the boundary of “tool to help support my vision” we’ve morphed it into an ideology that starts influencing us instead.
This makes it tough to leave. Newport continues to say in his book that by embracing not being on the internet you’ve marked yourself, as Neil Postman would say, “Invisible and therefore irrelevant.” But that’s not true. You’re not invisible or irrelevant if you’re not on social media. Or connected to email 24/7. Cal Newport has never opened one social media account and he’s made an incredible impact and built an amazing community. A connection can be made with or without social media or the internet. What happens if we take away that power from technology? I’m not saying you have to quit it altogether. Not even Newport says that in his book. It’s more about prioritizing connection to that still small voice. Getting clear on your purpose each day and once you get that clarity THEN asking yourself if a tool or program would be useful. If any. I’m having this deep talk with myself right now as we speak. Wondering if I need social media or constant connectivity to create the community and products I want to create. What about you? If the answer is no then honor that.
Belief 4: Feeling Pressure to Follow Someone Else’s Path
Kind of going in line with giving too much power to technology we also give too much power to influencers and thought leaders over the fate of our business and lives. I’ve bought quite a few courses. I’ve gone to various live events over the years and paid for a coach. These are all inherently GREAT things.
Investing in growth and being around people who are doing what you want to do is more valuable than just about anything out there. But it’s when buying the courses, attending the conferences, and having the coach replaces the need for effort and following your inner guidance system. There have been a few courses I bought and they ended up not helping mainly because I thought throwing money at someone would solve the problem I had. But really I didn’t have clarity around the life I wanted or the business I wanted so no matter what I bought it wouldn’t give me the answer to the actual question I needed to ask myself.
A lot of times we focus on the processes or small day to day stuff to feel productive while dancing around the true work we need to do. Work that no one can answer or create for us through a course. Or a plan. Or a map. This still applies even if the person you give power to is your neighbor or a friend from church.
You may find yourself about to click ‘buy now’ on a muumuu-style dress because that’s what you saw a gorgeous, upper east side housewife from your church wear and even though the shape looks like a glorified trash bag it just looks so flawless on her. Not even taking a second to consider the fact your soul actually doesn’t like trash bag style dresses with no shape or form. But you stuff that down because you feel pressure to be like her.
Maybe you’re like me and have felt the pressure to create a six- or seven-figure business. Or create certain digital products because influencers tell you it’s a smart way to reach your audience. But secretly you HATE the idea and wouldn’t even buy it yourself. So much weight yeah? How about we remove every bit of pressure or influence for a sec and get down to what we truly want.
Imagine everything you want and desire is represented as a bright big ball of light. Imagine that an influencer or someone you look up to is holding that light. Now gently reach out your hands, pick up that light, and glide place it back in your heart.
Now for the important questions: What does a great life look like to you? I was speaking with someone from The Good Space community the other day and she was saying how she was experiencing the same questions I was. Questioning what experts say. Questioning that as a business owner does she need to keep reaching for the next level? Does she constantly need to be stretching to the next level or is it ok to love where she’s at? Can she make an impact with the people she’s serving where she’s at? If we don’t go after the big numbers are we uncommitted? Lazy?
First, no to all of those questions. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to. If impacting on a smaller scale feels good to you then do that. If you really don’t care about impacting or serving people then admit that. That doesn’t mean you’re lazy for wanting it if that’s what you truly want. If someone were to tell me they want to serve 10 million customers in their business then not wanting to make money is a block. The answer to those questions all depends on what you truly want and the life you imagine living.
It’s not her fault she feels this. It’s not mine or yours either. We’ve been drenched in this culture of cutting corners and following the lead of others but you and I aren’t followers. We feel that deeper resonance within us and know we have a unique calling. We know we’re meant to lead the story of our own lives instead of passing the responsibility to someone else.
But our society rewards shortcuts and shallow work. What we need is to honor again the deep work. Those moments where we get still and allow our environment to be still. We shut off the phones, get off social media and focus without interruption. We give our full power of truth and spirit to what we feel called to create or do. What you’ve been sold as the way to live your life isn’t the only way. You are a CREATOR. There are many combinations and paths to the same result. Focus right now on what lights you up.
If you could have any kind of life without any limits or rules of any kind what would it look like? Mine? I would LOVE to read books all day, then talk about them with a group of like-minded people, and write articles or books based on the information I’m learning. I love condensing information from a lot of different places, applying it to life, then creating articles and books that share what I think is valuable for others. Not in a way that tells people the path they should take. But in a way that’s like “Hey. I found this interesting stuff. I’m leaving it here for you in case it helps.”
I’m grateful for the times someone shared knowledge that truly changed my life and I want to pay that forward. I would also love to work part of the day, spend more time with family, and have time for reflection and creativity, and good conversations with my community or friends. I also want to make a lot of money having that be my life. So right now my focus is doing as many as those things as possible and trusting the rest will unfold. That feels aligned for me. Living a simple and quiet inner and outer life while also providing aligned value that I get paid for. Now that I’ve clarified the life I want I can ask myself if getting expert help or guidance from a course or group would support that inner vision. Then if I were to research and check in with my inner wisdom and get a no I’d have to honor that. If I hear a hell yes then I could move forward.
Belief 5: Making Decisions out of Scarcity
If you struggle to trust yourself as I have then you can probably come up with a few experiences where you made a decision out of scarcity instead of abundance. Scarcity means you felt something was off or knew deep down you didn’t want to do something but did anyway. Abundance is saying no or yes to things only when you feel expansive and unhindered in your energy.
I’ve made so many decisions out of scarcity. Taking on copywriting clients when I felt like something wasn’t right. Or saying yes to commitments when I only felt 60% onboard. Each of those times I felt more misery than had I said no. If you’re like me then those decisions are made out of fear. Fear of lack. Fear of failure. There are even times we can say no to an amazing opportunity because we fear we can’t handle the success.
To start making decisions out of abundance start small. Leave a small bit of food on your plate instead of eating every last bite to practice the idea of having enough and knowing you’ll have other chances to eat again. Don’t do this if it’s triggering. It was something that helped me practice feeling abundant and I stopped doing it once that feeling locked in.
Another way is donating clothes you haven’t worn in over a year. Trusting that with the space you make in your closet you’ll find outfits that make you feel more aligned. Donate money to charity or church to practice that energetic exchange of faith. When you give money to someone else it’s a tangible way to say I support you. Or I have enough so I want to share my abundance with you. That kind of open, loving energy opens the channels for the Universe to give more back in ways you didn’t expect. Try one or a few of those out and comment in the show notes to let me know how it goes.
So there you have it. Five common ways we can sabotage ourselves from trusting ourselves. Did any of these resonate with you?
Do you have any questions? Don’t hesitate to ask or share in the comments. You never know who you’ll inspire or who else has the same question. You can also email me at francesca@findyourgoodspace.com. And please share this with someone you think would enjoy this message. You may lift their spirits or help them plant the seeds for a connected and vibrant life!
Affirmation
I intend to trust my inner voice at all times and in all places. I let it guide every action I take.
Writing Prompt
In what ways might I be sabotaging my ability to trust myself? Am I listening enough to my inner wisdom? Or too much on the voices of others?
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